I had a dream last night; I cannot remember what it was about, but when I awoke it was light outside, & I felt lonelier than I have in a long, long time. I fell back asleep & dreamt again.
I recall only very little. Chris & I were inside somewhere - something like a hostel, I think - & everything was very dark, although I don't think it was nighttime. There was a kitchen, & something happened with it; I don't remember what. I was excited. Olga was to be meeting us here. She arrived exactly as I remember her: excited, happy, animated, smiling - gleeful. She saw me, clapped her hands in joy, ran to me...& shook my hand. After telling me how happy she was to see me, she introduced me to her boyfriend - a tall, well-built, dark-haired boy. I woke up. After 20 or so minutes of listening to whispers, giggles & kisses coming from the tiny, overburdened bed across the room, I shamefully took refuge in the shower to begin my day.
"The more you know, the less you feel." I wish with all my heart that was true for me. Being busy allows me the luxury of not thinking about myself or my life. Relaxing in luxury ultimately condemns me to the torment brought by that which I cannot ever escape.
I gave Rosanne an hour & a half massage last night. Chris very kindly pretended to sleep throughout. It was a full upper-body: head, neck, shoulders, back, arms & hands. She was extravagantly complimentary, but I don't believe she was embellishing. I have "magic hands, magic fingers." She told me she believed she was more relaxed than she ever had been...like she had just finished having sex for the third time in one day. She speculated that my fingers could only feel better in other places on her body, & was adamant that any girl receiving a massage from them would fall instantly in love with me. She wasn't trying to tease, if she had been I would've been able to feel it in her back. It would be easier for me to hear if it was only a tease. She insisted that it was the best massage she had ever received (apparently including the one she received from Chris in Roma), & vowed never to ask for one from any of her future boyfriends. I can't imagine anything more complimentary or more tormenting. She enjoyed her massage.
After talking for a spell about her dreams, her last boyfriend & what she wants in her next boyfriend it was decided that because Chris was "asleep" in the single bed, she & I would (innocently) share the double. We got ready for bed, & she wanted to cuddle with Chris just for 30 minutes. I knew better, & was not at all surprised when I awoke this morning, curled up & alone, with the oversized bed to myself.
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