My journey is finished. It hasn't ended, but it has finished. Truth be told my journey was finished when we left
We arrived on Monday,
We decided food was a good option & Chris introduced us to something called a donor: gyro-like meat with spices, sauce & veggies wrapped like a burrito & baked. I vowed never to eat anything else ever again.
After eating & getting in touch with Matze we met him & Miriam back at the hostel, where we finally checked in for that night. They both were great (& probably still are!)! We had some beers, talked, met a Hawaiian woman & finally were joined by Julia who, surprise surprise, was great as well! We switched venues to a better place about two doors down & had some more beers. This time, instead of chatting with Miriam (who was fun as hell to chat with!) I spent most of my time getting to know Julia. What a great girl! It had been quite some time since I had discussed business with anyone (which I love doing!), & she really knew what she was talking about. Surprisingly though was that she also really knew what I was talking about, which does not happen all the time with people. Needless to say, I liked Julia very much from that first day, & it was great to feel a connection to somebody, especially that quickly!
Finally we ended up at a club called Flower Power, after a brief stop at Miriam's flat for reasons unknown to me. This place was fun, though nutty. We drank more beers, talked more, got louder, played some pool, & finally ended up getting down on the dance floor...drinking beers. Eventually, after calming down & sitting a bit, we headed out. Not until I got nice & close to the bathroom floor though. Yeah, that was some serious beer, & a lot of it.
We awoke early the next day, Tuesday, hungover as hell with about four hours of sleep. That was a treat...I think I may still have been slightly drunk. I tried to eat, but my stomach was still pissed as hell at me for beating it so mercilessly the previous night, so I didn't get much down. Matze met us with his badass, bright yellow dog-catching machine & took us grocery shopping before dropping our packs off at his flat (which is where we would be staying that night). From there, after lazily enjoying each others' hungover company for a bit, we walked to the university where we'd be attending Julia's lecture with her. DAMN what a big fucking lecture hall!! Matze, Chris & Jason each decided to have a beer...during class. Let me tell you, I would have LOVED to have had a beer in lecture if my stomach had not still been giving me the finger. Ah well, maybe next time.
The lecture turned out to be on investments & finance, which is a class I recently took. Frighteningly, I think I understood it more in German than I did in English. Because that makes perfect sense. After Matze took a brief nap, the four of us left Julia to study before the lecture broke & fled to the campus bar for beers, where she joined us soon after.
The rest of the day was spent bumming around
Holy shit what a time! I've come to realize that soccer's draw is half for the game, half for the fans. The game itself was terrible. Nobody scored until the first overtime, when
But the TIME spent with the fans was excellent!! Chanting, cheering, screaming, jumping, drinking beers & yelling at the Italians. Seriously, those ass clowns need to leave the game & open their own theatre company! Every 20 fucking seconds another one was on the ground, grabbing some part of his body that someone or something might have come close to touching & screaming in pain. And sure enough, nearly every time the ref would run out, tell him to get up & quit acting like a seven-year-old sissy girl (or so I imagined), & he'd be right up & off running like nothing had happened. Damn Italians, & I kinda liked that country too.
The atmosphere after losing was rough. The same passion shown during the game was present in the disappointment of losing such an important match. We went downtown to chill, but only after heeding Matze's warning that if anyone got out of hand - threw a bottle or started breaking shit for example - the polizei would just round up everyone in the general vicinity & cart them off, regardless of what anyone was doing. In other words, we had to be careful.
We passed the polizei, in full riot gear, on our way there. Matze asked if there had been any trouble (yet), & they apparently steered him clear of the volatile areas. We hid for awhile in a restaurant, eating donors & drinking beers, & then we hit the same quiet bar we had hit the night before. We relaxed, drank some beers, & Chris & I impressed the chicks with our magical ways. Oh, & I totally forgot, Julia's best friend Kat had joined us from the game onwards! Unfortunately I didn't get to spend much time really getting to know Kat on this trip, but from the little that I did I easily could see she was a great person, well worth getting to know better in the future. We got back to Matze's flat around three in the morning & passed out.
I've seriously just written six pages on the first two days in
We awoke early on Wednesday so we could attend Matze's lecture with him. We relaxed a bit, woke up, had some breakfast, drank some beers & relaxed some more. The lecture was unanimously vetoed. More relaxing, more beers. We then packed up & left to meet Julia, who would lead us to her place where she very graciously let us sleep that night. She has a wonderful little flat! Well, technically her parents have a wonderful little flat, but they were on vacation near the
The beach was very cool; not much sand, but they had a bitchin' automatic waterskiing system set up that I've never seen before. Initially I was slightly taken aback when I discovered Julia had neglected to mention that the beach was clothing optional. I'd never been to a beach with nudity before, & I was relieved that I reacted as I always thought I would: I felt completely normal & at ease, with absolutely no sexual inclinations. Well, no more than usual. Everybody knows I'm a dirty priest's kid! We jumped in the lake - Julia in her suit & the three of us in our underwear - & had a great time! Julia tried to drown me by pretending to teach me to swim (& then denied me CPR!), we played chicken with me & Jason carrying Julia & Chris respectively (they won...go figure), & I reacquainted myself with the only way I ever knew how to swim: the backstroke. Then Julia & I went in & chatted while lying in the sun while Chris & Jason did god knows what in the water for another half an hour or so. Then we changed & drove to Julia's old high school where we played some soccer before heading to a beergarden to watch the Portugal/France game & drink some beers. We met another friend of hers there, whose name I cannot even come close to spelling, but she was very nice if a bit shy & quiet. After
But if you think we all went home to sleep you obviously have not been reading this carefully enough. After all it was only
None of us ended up sleeping much that night. After we finished the movie Jason crashed on the sofa for a few hours, but Chris, Julia & I ended up chatting well into the morning. We didn't sleep at all.
Thursday was a day (& night!) to remember! We were all more than a bit tired, but we woke up as the day wore on. Julia went to her lecture, & the three of us hung out with Matze for the first part of the day. We spent some time at his old high school, drinking Coca-Cola in the halls, playing soccer in the yard & bein' bad hanging in the "Smoker's Corner" drinking some beers. After ambling around town a bit after that - playing soccer the whole time of course - they went off to pick up Drea, Matze's girlfriend, from the train station, & I hung out with Julia for a few hours. It was a good time. We sat drinking milkshakes (& flirting) at a café for awhile, then we hit the mall. The university was holding a massive party that night, thrown by a wealthy professor, & she needed a new shirt. Of course I was happy to oblige! We shopped, she found a great one, but she needed a bra with a proper back for it to work. So off we went in search of a bra! We found a very nice one in another store, & it looked even nicer on her! Unfortunately, her card had been left at home, & so Kat was called in to help. I must admit, I almost didn't want her to arrive. Ok...I didn't want her to arrive. While we were waiting we strolled around, arm in arm with her head on my shoulder, looking through shops. We looked through recent albums in a music shop & she showed me the bookstore where she used to work, & probably will again this fall. It really was quite lovely. Eventually though, Kat did arrive. We got the shirt & bra, & Kat dropped me off at Matze's for dinner while she & Julia went back home to get ready for the party. All in all, it was a wonderfully relaxing afternoon!
The dinner was no less spectacular! The turnout was me, Matze, Chris, Jason, Drea & Gudrun, a friend from Chris' trip two years ago. We had chicken with herbs wrapped in bacon, mixed vegetables (the best I've ever had!), & these funky but supremely yummy deep fried mashed potato balls. PLUS, they bought a special beer that none of them had ever tried before. It was a smoked beer from southern
For all my life this party will live in my memory...for a number of reasons. This party - in fact the entire evening - had more people, more booze, more couples getting it on, more dancing, more drama, more stress & more confusion than any party I've ever attended or heard of...by far. Most importantly though, I had more fun than I can remember having in recent history.
It started out simple enough: tons of university kids drinking, dancing & talking. Loud music inside, smoke outside, couples in corners, that sort of thing. The strange thing is, I don't know precisely what happened what happened, or when. Certainly we all got smashed (Miriam in particular, the poor girl, kept having different groups of friends run up, give her a beer & make her down it with them!), & I know that was a factor, but otherwise everything seemed to progress without my realizing it. A number of things began happening that were difficult to watch or understand, but I’ve promised to censor a few of them due to their personal nature & their involvement with other people. I just did my best to shrug them off & ignore them. My best turned out to be more beer. At least it was good beer. Admittedly though, some still hurt. I don't know who, other than Chris, could have guessed that, but there ended up being an incredible amount of tension in the air which we dealt with by drinking, dancing & laughing loudly.
After awhile Julia & I got together & got down on the dance floor. I gotta say that girl can move! After a bit I decided to let on that I thought I had figured out some things about her that I had been confused about. Unfortunately, being drunk I hadn't really thought it through, & it was not until after I hinted at it that I realized telling her everything I had been thinking probably wouldn't be the best idea. At least not right then. Too late...she was already determined to know! She asked me to tell her, & I said "nein." She asked me more nicely but received the same response, & wanted to know why. I told her that her knowing would not help me, not help her, & not change the outcome of the evening, & so it was best left alone (no mention of my randomly bringing it up...). That answer didn't seem to take, so she said "come here," grabbed my hand & led me outside with me looking back at the others with a confused look on my face & shrugging.
When we got outside we found a place to sit on a railing, effectively surrounding ourselves with couples in various stages of dress & undress making out. I don't think I told her what I really had been thinking, which was that even though she may have thought I was nice & maybe kind of cute, I knew that ultimately she was interested in Chris. We discussed quite a bit though. She brought up my journal & admitted how angry she was with Chris because of Rosy. Apparently she had told him that when traveling a guy should have a girl in every country, & Chris gave her the impression he had none. Hearing this startled me, because I hadn't even considered the fact that I had written about the two of them in there. It frustrated me because while it was Chris' choice to not tell anyone in Dresden about the girl he had just been with, I had to choose between lying to my newfound friends or betraying my best friend...& neither option appealed to me. Instead, I just had been trying to avoid the subject all week. I told her how much I liked her from the beginning of the week, about my & Chris' social differences & about how angry I had been with Chris that morning because he had been flirting with her all week. He & I had taken a long walk that morning to get breakfast (potato bagels!), during which I told him how pissed off I was & why. I had told him I didn't trust him anymore because he had kept saying he wouldn't flirt & then get drunk & kiss her (as was the case Monday night), or telling me to "get in there (her room) & make your move so I can go to bed," only to wander in ten minutes later, lay on the floor & start acting cute with stuffed animals (as was the case the previous night). She told me how irritated she had been that morning when I said we'd be right back & then took nearly an hour. I told her how terribly I had felt when we returned & found the cold coffee, butter, jams & cheeses she had laid out because she thought we would be right back, & apologized sincerely. She laughed & told me she had forgiven me as soon as I got back. Then I kissed her. She kissed back. It felt so good. In my memory it was the first & only time I ever had taken the initiative & kissed a girl first, & I told her that. Not wishing to be outdone, she took the initiative right back & kissed me, & this went on back & forth for a little while. God it felt great to kiss someone, especially considering that it was someone I really liked!
Eventually (sigh), we opted to go back in, where surprisingly everyone was relieved to see us. I thought we had been gone 20, maybe 30 minutes, but evidently it was closer to an hour!! How time flies when you're having fun! But then things took a turn for the weirder, then the worse.
Within minutes of our arrival somebody came up & told us that Julia wanted to talk to Chris & Kat to me. So back outside I went with Kat, who as it turned out needed to speak with me about...nothing. Absolutely nothing. We pretty much just discussed the different countries I had been in. That was it. Oh, & her & Julia's trip to
Finally we all decided to head to another club. While our group was being rounded up Chris mentioned that Julia was upset because she felt the he & she had had a good thing going & now she was being passed off. They didn't have a good thing going (at least not romantically), as Chris was & is completely in love with Rosy, & what's really upsetting is she wouldn't have thought that had he not been flirting with her all week. As a side note, it really doesn't feel all that great to have someone think they're being "passed off" to you either.
(How fitting that after all that I've just now run out of pencil lead.) We all left, & the tension was terrible. We walked for a ways until we reached a tram stop, where it said it had a 12-minute wait. A few played soccer, I sat & thought, but what killed me more than anything was that Julia was crying quietly; Kat was comforting her. I don't know why I didn't go to her & give her a hug...I desperately wanted to. I was scared, embarrassed & ashamed of myself, although for what I don't know. I think it was because I felt, & perhaps still do, that I had hurt her, which was the last thing I had ever wanted to do. Even as I was trying to convince myself to move, to hug her, to talk to her, to do anything, as usual Chris beat me to it. He walked over & gave her a hug, & they spent the next 30 minutes or so hugging, talking or both. Why can I never reach out to do the right thing at the moment in which it's needed most?
We boarded the tram & rode for a bit; I sat alone, still thinking. I was pleased when Matze came over & sat to tell me they had decided against the club due to everyone's mood. Instead we were going back to the same bar we had visited twice before for coffee & relaxation. We ended up chatting quite a bit after he asked me if I was alright. I told him I was, & ended up telling him about my ADHD & how after spending prolonged periods with groups I need a bit of a breather, which I get by quieting or quieting down and/or removing myself from the group temporarily. He understood at once & offered to leave me alone, which I had none of. I like Matze; he is as honest with people as I see myself slowly becoming, & it's nice to have some reassurance that I've picked the right direction.
After leaving the tram we walked through the train station at which we had originally arrived on Monday, on our way to the bar. Just on the opposite side though, Miriam could take no more & got sick. I felt so terrible for her; I know what that feels like & I don't like it. The decision was made to call it a night, but we still had to figure out how. Our bags were at Julia's, & I knew Chris just wanted out of the situation & away from the stress. After the discussion (of which I was not a part, as it was in German), Chris told me that we were thinking of heading to Matze's & picking up the packs in the morning. After as quiet as I had been & the thinking that I had done, I finally knew what I wanted & had regained the strength to voice it: I told him no. While I certainly was interested in Julia, it had nothing to do with that. Julia had the potential to be a great friend, & if I walked away without taking the time to talk with her there was no guarantee we'd ever meet again. More important than either of those reasons though, was that someone was hurt & I was at the very least partially involved. Too many times while growing up I left difficult situations unresolved because I was too scared to do the right thing. With a good friend at stake & that in mind, I was not ready to call it a night until I could talk with Julia. The only problem was that I wasn't sure she wanted to talk to me...
And then, in a weird, backward, perverse sort of way that had become normal on this trip, I had a stroke of luck. Chris suddenly realized the bag with, among other things, his passport & this journal was not on his shoulder. After quick reorganizing it was decided that Chris, Matze & Drea would search for it, find it & then land at Matze's for the brief remainder of the night while Kat, Julia, Jason & I would all walk back to Julia's, where Jason & I would stay. I know Chris, because I had told him how I felt, pushed for that, & I was grateful to him.
Almost immediately after parting ways Julia grabbed my arm, stopped me, waited for Jason & Kat (who once again was doing the distracting) to walk ahead, & then continued strolling...keeping my arm. I kept quiet while she said what she needed to say. She was so sorry she had ruined the night, she desperately had not wanted to cry in front of us, but so many things that had been building recently had all accumulated that night & she had lost the ability to control them all. That was something I understood more than I could tell her. Once she finished I proceeded to explain to her not only why she owed me no apology, but why there was nothing about the night I would change if given the chance as well. She owed me no apology because I had had an amazing night, period. She had not ruined my night, but had in fact been responsible for it's perfect outcome, a consequence for which I would accept no apology. There were problems & drama to be sure, but they fueled my emotions until I reached a place often sought & rarely found: a place where I acted on instinct & emotion rather than logic & thoughts. I said what I thought, I danced as crazy as I wanted, I asked about what I wanted to know...& I kissed the girl I wanted to kiss, something I've been trying in vain to do for years. Of course the alcohol was a factor, I won't deny that, but I've been drunk many times before & still visibly lacked whatever it was I needed to do those things. It was more freeing than I ever can express. That is why if given the chance I would not change a single thing about that night.
As for her crying, she had to know how I was happy for that as well. Not in the moment of course, & I certainly was not happy that she needed to cry, but when people, friends, reach that dreaded & embarrassing point in front of you, you have the opportunity to see them more clearly than at any other time. They're not trying to impress anyone, they're not working with the group dynamic, & all of their defenses are down...they're simply themselves, whether those around them like it or not. I liked it, & I liked what I saw in her. Had the evening gone off as planned, with no problems, complications, controversies, & no tears, I would have missed out on so much that I got to experience. I will always be grateful for that night.
We talked nearly every step of the way home. I was going to give her my contact info but she was scared that I wouldn't respond, & she'd have to stop trying. I very clearly told her that there was no way I would not respond, BUT, if I didn't for some reason, it would only be because I was unable, which was no reason for her to stop trying! She asked that I not take it the wrong way, but she really didn't want to be alone that night & wondered if I would stay with her. I've slept in the same bed, & on occasion even cuddled, with all of my closest friends on many occasions. It was not a problem. (Incidentally, the cuddling part in the previous sentence applies only to the female closest friends. Just wanted to be absolutely clear.) The whole way we walked arm in arm, with her head on my shoulder & my head on her head for much of it.
When we got home Jason collapsed immediately in the other bedroom, which I appreciated immensely. We both fell asleep within a minute - something that never happens to me even when drunk and/or exhausted. I slept like a rock.
But once again, not for long enough! The alarm committed its grave offence at
As the train picked up speed (it was a bullet train after all) the three of us discussed where we were going. It was decided that we would take that train all the way to Frankfurt, switch trains & take an overnight to
I want to go back...
We had a few hours in
While standing on the street outside of the store waiting for Chris, I began singing "Leaving on a Jet Plane" again. I know only the first verse & the chorus, but I must have sung each three or four times a piece. By the end of the first round I already had tears streaming down my face & I didn't care who stared. I was happy.
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